Jaune's Attempts To Get Laid
by blaiseingfire
Summary: It goes as well as one would expect.


**Jaune's Attempts To Get Laid**

* * *

Jaune gave himself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror. No more slouching around being a boring loser with no confidence. Tonight, he was going to become a whole new person.

Tonight, he was gonna finally get laid.

It was a daunting task, but he was determined to get it done. If he could get a one night fling, then he would have no problem finding a nice woman to spend the rest of his life with. He would do so by one of the easiest ways he saw it done in movies: bar hopping.

He arrived at the first bar, and soon a girl with black and red hair and silver eyes took the vacant seat next to him. He started the conversation and the two started talking. It turned out they had a lot in common and interests and spent nearly an hour talking about video games. She reminded him of like a little sister, it was kind of adorable. She later asked if he would like to come back to her place to 'play with her'.

Jaune wasn't sure why she said the last part weirdly. As tempting and as fun as that was, he was on a mission to lose his virginity, not play video games. He politely declined and she brought the excuse he gave her. He finished his drink and left. He felt like he made a mistake in not getting her name and number. He felt like he missed the opportunity to get a gaming buddy. Oh well.

He then entered a second bar, but he accidentally bumped into a blond haired girl. She did some acrobatics to avoid falling on the floor but ended up spilling her drink. Jaune profusely apologized and offered to buy her a new one to apologize. That seemed to calm her down and she smiled at the offer.

After a few minutes of talking, Jaune commented on her acrobatic skills. She explained that it was because she was a boxer, and was strong and flexible as a result. A moment later, she said he was cute and wouldn't mind showing him a few moves.

Jaune almost blushed at being called cute but he was on a mission to lose his virginity, not get his ass kickboxing. He politely declined her offer and left. He wasn't too bummed out about getting her name and number. He felt like she would have actually beat him senseless.

At the next bar, Jaune saw a red-headed girl that looked familiar, but couldn't figure out why. He took the seat next to her and tried his luck. She seemed really into the casual conversations with him, and eventually they found out that they actually went to the same gym together.

"Oh my, I wasn't aware that I had a stalker~"

Jaune wasn't sure why she said that weirdly, but it made him panic. He was a little ashamed to admit that he was socially awkward, but he wasn't a creep! And in today's social climate, he didn't want to become the next hashtag in the 'MeAlso' movement. He made an excuse to go to the bathroom and managed to successfully sneak out of the bar.

In order to avoid the crazy girl again, Jaune vowed to never go to that bar again and even called the gym to cancel his membership. He could always find a new one.

Jaune decided to take a little break from the bars and decided to chill and have a snack at a cafe. He sat at a small table and was waited on by a faunus with bunny ears. She would incite some small talk whenever she arrived and she was quite friendly. After Jaune asked for his bill, he got it but there was a combination of two 3 digit numbers followed by a 4 digit number.

Jaune thought it was strange, but later concluded it was the serial number of the receipt for logging purposes. He left the receipt with the money, including a big tip, on the table and left. It was a nice break, but it was now time to get back on track and finally lose his virginity.

Later at a quiet bar, a woman with a black beret and fashionable clothing sat next to him. She was nice and soon revealed that she was a high-end fashion designer, which Jaune thought was pretty neat. After another drink, she invited him to join her in 'trying on new outfits'.

The way she said it reminded Jaune of when his sisters put him in their clothes. He was on a mission to lose his virginity, not re-experience childhood trauma. He declined and she believed the excuse he gave and she left soon afterward.

Before he could leave, a black haired girl with a bow sat next to him. He couldn't help but notice that she was reading a sci-fi book from a series he really liked and used that to spark a conversation. She was quiet and answered in short sentences, but she urged to continue the conversations.

Their talks about books eventually led to a fantasy series about ninjas. Jaune only knew what he heard his sisters mention about it, but managed to keep the conversation going. She then asked him if they would like to reenact the 'battle' in the middle of the book.

Jaune wasn't sure why she said that word weirdly. He also had no idea what she was talking since he didn't read the book and assumed she wanted to live action role play an epic battle. As fun as that sounded, he was on a mission to lose his virginity, not to l.a.r.p. She seemed disappointed when he declined, but nodded in understanding and left.

The next few hours went by rather quickly and it was soon almost 2 am. Jaune had had no luck all night. Every woman he came across was pretty and seemed cool and friendly, but they were all interested in doing other things, strangely. Then it hit him that his sisters always talked about how they pretended to want to be friends with a guy to get them to go away. That realization sunk deep.

As the depression was settling in, Jaune's old high school teacher, Glynda Goodwitch. Entered the bar. They were old friends and got along well during his time at school, so as soon as they spotted each other, they immediately sat next to one another and talked like the old friends they were. Jaune was happy to see that she was doing well and Glynda was happy to see Jaune was doing well in college.

As they conversed about how they've been, Glynda let it slip that she would now also be teaching sex ed and human behavior classes next week. Jaune was glad that she was so skilled to be teaching more classes. Glynda appreciated the praise and then offered to give him a demonstration behind the bar.

Jaune wasn't sure why behind the bar, nor why she wanted to teach him sex ed. He already knew how it worked, the A+ he got in the class and the internet made sure of it. However, he thought she was actually nervous about teaching the courses and wanted someone to do a practice run with. He wanted to say yes to help the woman who helped him through high school, and also suggest to head to her place since that would be more comfortable than the back of a bar, but then the bartender came around and told them it was 3 am and that they were closing.

Jaune panicked as he then remembered that he had a 6 am morning shift work. He explained and apologized to Glynda before wishing her luck and taking off. He hurried home and to bed, figuring less than hours of sleep was better than nothing. However, Jaune couldn't' fall asleep, for he was too busy holding back his tears.

All afternoon and night… almost 15 hours of effort, all in vain. Was he really that unattractive and repulsive? Was he destined to be alone and a virgin for the rest of his life?

It seemed so.

* * *

 _(alternative ending)_

When the bar closed at 3 am and Jaune realized he had work in the morning, he decided 'screw it'. He could just call in sick. The whole day sucked, but he might as well help Glynda out and make her happy. She smiled with glee and she led him to her apartment.

At 10 am, Jaune stumbled back into his apartment with a limp in his step, and collapsed on his bed with a smile. True to her word, Jaune did learn some new things.

One of them being that Glynda had a bigger dick than him.

He was oddly ok with it, and he was meeting her again later today.

* * *

 _This is based off a green text story I saw a long time ago._

 _Thanks for reading, have a good day :)_


End file.
